Tried my hand at writing a story for the first time..would love to hear your views : ) Special Thanks to my sister Nidhi for her valuable suggestions :)

I'm sitting here at my usual place in the window,a place that has come to be my safe haven.As i drag myself through the day.I look forward to this special time.I find myself here most evenings and albeit its sense of melancholy I have come to cherish it.Today is another such day of the thousands i have spent here reflecting on my life,looking for answers..
     I gaze into the indigo sky,today appearing starless as angry clouds encompass the sky.The clouds are waging a war of their own as if mirroring my own inner turmoil.Lightning strikes;momentarily lighting up the darkness,a bleak promise that the tempest would soon pass.I pull my jacket closer as the impetuous winds whistle through the winds.The windows behind me rattle and i feel myself shudder;the spell momentarily broken.The warmth of the house seems almost welcome now.It takes only a moments hesitation for I have made up my mind.Today I'm going to see the end of it..
         I stare into the never-ending darkness and i feel like i'm staring into the future,my future;an endless path leading  nowhere..I'm running from the past,hiding from the future,stuck in a dreary present I'm fighting every moment to change..The future lies in the acceptance of the past,something i have been fighting against.I've been fighting against fate,fighting against the truth that has come to change my life.I know i am fighting a lost battle but i cant give up.Not yet.
           Sometimes i cant help but wonder 'What happened to me?' 'What did I do to deserve this?'Innumerable questions that have come to haunt my life.I need to find the answers for the answers would help me find something I have lost long back.I want to find myself agaiin..This isnt a life I'm leading..It's become a life sentence for me..
           Thunder booms in the distance drowning my inner voice,bringing me back to the moment.I heave a sigh,close my eyes and spread my hands wide letting the droplets trickle down my palms.The feeling is almost magical.For the briefest of moments i felt alive,I felt like everything would be okay.I take in the familiar smell of mud;beckoning me to step out,urging me to let go of my inhibitions.
              "I'm not ready yet" I whisper..I'm not ready to face whats out there,to leave the safety of the walls I've created around myself..I close the curtains with my shaking hands.After what seems like an eternity,i walk back into the house.It feels warm but not comforting.I'm greeted with an eerie silence..like i dont belong here;like I'm needed elsewhere..
            "I'm not ready yet"I scream.my voice bounding off the walls.."If you're not ready today ,you never will be"the voice inside my head says..I let the voice take over my senses as i head towards the door;my legs making a decision of their own..I trust my instincts and as I open the door and step out into the garden I know somewhere in my heart that i did just the right thing.
      I spread  my arms wide and look at the sky.It seemed like the most natural thing to do.The raindrops brush gently against my face becoming one with my tears.I take a deep breath and rivel in the moment.I stand there for what seems like hours,the raindrops showering on me as if to fill the void within.The tears fall uncontrollably;the chilly wind burns against my skin.But it doesnt matter today;Today I will be brave..I'm engulfed by the darkness which seems to be closing in on me..
      I look around and say your name..over and over again..begging pleading,searching for you in the darkness..I know i had to find you..It was the only thing that kept me going.I lost the track of time as i stood there,saying your name like a prayer till I could do it no more.I felt my knees buckle as I fell towards the ground.The house seems miles away;a journey I had no reason to take.I hugged myself,knowing in my heart that I had failed.I give up today for there seems no reason to fight.
   As I lay in the ground,beaten,I heard my name..my entire body shuddered.It's a trick my eyes are playing on me I told myself..but that voice..It had to be you.."Open your eyes"the voice said.My heart was thudding against my chest.I couldn't open my eyes afraid that the dream would end.But what did I have to lose?I opened my eyes slowly,my breathing now heavy and turned towards the voice.I looked up into your gentle face;the face I've been longing to see.As i looked into the eyes,I felt complete;like the pain was worth it
"They say you're gone" my voice barely audible.
"Did you believe them?"
"Not even for an instant"I vowed,my voice sounding childlike.
I hear your familiar laugh and remember all those times we sat together here.when happiness had reached its zenith.Today it feels like one of those days;like everything is just the same.Nothing ever changed
       The golden moon emerged,breaking through the darkness.As I sat there in the moonlight,I knew I had never felt more beautiful.
"Is there something you need to ask me love?"Your voice seemed so calm and reassuring like you could make everything right in an instant.And then the words escaped my lips..the question I wanted to ask you..
            "Why didnt you take me with you?"I accused.
"I love you too much to do that" you say as you hold my hand,your fingers filling the gaps in mine like they were made for each other.The moment for just so beautiful,and I knew I could fight a thousand battles for that priceless moment with you.
       "I wished for a miracle"I say"But he didnt give me any" as I look tearfully at the sky..
"Everyone gets only one miracle and I think we already got ours"
You are my miracle"
A gentle smile plays on my lips as i hold your gaze;wishing more that ever that time would stand still.
"I dont want to live without you"my voice almost pleading..
"I'm right here,always have been.I am the voice in your head that tells you what to do.I am the rays of sunshine that wake you up in the morning.I will be whatever you want me to be.I am a part of you.I'm right here in your heart and nothing can ever change that.You cant give up now,you have to live for the two of us..I promise to look after you.I'll be your guardian angel."
       You put a flower in my palm and say"You found me and loved me and just like a flower you certified my existence..You have to try love.Try to be happy for then I will be happy too."
            I nod as my eyes start giving up,the weariness of the day catching up with me.I feel weak and tired as i try to battle it out.
"Will you put me to sleep?"I murmur,talking more to myself than you.
"yes".."like always"you add..
Theres just one question I needed to ask you as I gathered my remaining strength.
          "Are you real,or is this a dream?"
         "Whatever you want to believe,love"
 
  I wake up in the morning with a throbbing headache as the sunlight greets me into a new day..I rub my eyes as I take in the familiar sights of my own bedroom..I dont remember getting into bed last night.
Was last night a dream?I rush towards the windows and look outside..
The garden shows no signs of the fearsome storm..
           The storm was not outside..it was inside me.The storm inside me is now over,and i feel surprisingly at peace with myself.I know that I can go on..I turn to leave when I spot the flower on my bedside..I hold the flower gently and bring it to my lips..
               I know now what to believe..: )